The FIRST time I drafted this post I wrote that the pretty photo above was there to ‘mislead and lull you into a false sense of security because things were about to get real’.  I continued to write, upload photo’s, and edit for over two hours at which point WordPress decided to delete all the hours of progress I had made.  I nearly chucked my computer out the window.  I actually had to walk away from my desk because I was going to sucker punch the keyboard.  So I have kept that photo there this second time around in part to calm me, but mostly to re-create everything I had written earlier.  I’m retracing my steps.

I would like to make a note about this post before we begin.  In order to truly enjoy the suspense and comedic payoff, please don’t scroll down further than each line you read at a time.

Here goes nothing…

Jon was out of town AGAIN this weekend for a bachelor party in Las Vegas so I was left to work and entertain myself.  I obviously have no photo’s to post about his trip.  In fact all I know about his trip is that there was zero sleep, the opposite of zero amount of blackjack, a fanny pack wearing future groom,  and a Motley Crue concert.  When I googled ‘Motley Crue fanny pack’ for a photo for you guys, I almost pee’d my pants at what it gave me:

…god I love google.

Jon flew straight from Vegas to San Francisco for a ‘business meeting’ which I’m convinced was a total ruse.  Lately, Jon has been making an unhealthy habit of hanging out with my favorite people without me.  This so called ‘business meeting’ was no different in that he got to spend 24 hours with MY cousin Ryan.  Who Jon wouldn’t even know if I hadn’t graduated high school, gotten accepted into college, worked at a golf course on pelican lake, moved to Denver, and eventually forced him to fall in love with and marry me.

The amount of abbreve’s (that’s an abbreviation for the word abbreviation…it’s complicated) and ‘That’s What She Saids’ I must have missed out on is nearly killing me.  I bet they have all these lame new inside jokes that I’ll never get and instead they’ll just laugh and ignore me anytime we’re all three together.  They’re truly diabolical.  Well guess what boys…so am I.  Take this:

Nice capris and lady scarf.

And as for you?

Nice life.

Ahhhh.  I feel much better about myself now.

SO.  The reason this post is entitled Part 1 is because when I first looked back on this past weekend it appeared quite uneventful.  In further retrospection I realized that it wasn’t thanks to a brunch mentioned earlier, a photo-editing night, an awesome gift from a friend, and a birthday celebration.  I have proof in the form of pictures.

No Ryan not fake pictures from google.

Pictures on my actual camera.  I had JUST as good of a time as you two.

That post will be coming tomorrow.  TODAY I had already planned on posting a two week delayed weekend recap.  It’s delayed only because this time the pictures weren’t on my camera, they were on a friends and I just recently acquired them.

So two weeks ago (the last time Jon was out of town having fun without me) a big group of friends and I went to Red Rocks first ever Winter concert.  It was amaze balls.  The performers were Common, an awesome DJ, and Atmosphere (go Minnesota!) and it truly was a blast.  We started the night out pre gaming and layering at our place.  For the record, I was layered the most expertly out of everyone for I am the most expertly trained.  Again…go Minnesota!

We then packed into two vehicles, one of which was a giant suburban being driven by our hired driver: a pirate joke loving woman named Brenda.

There was a prize for  knowing the most answers to said pirate jokes…

…a room temperature can of bud light!  So congratulations Amy for knowing the answers to jokes such as:

Q: What is a pirate’s favorite country?

A: Arrrrrrrrgentina.

I mean come on.  I came up with this and won nothing:

Q: What is a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?

A: A sunken chest a no booty,

Right?  I should have gotten at least half the warm beer.

Something you may not know about Red Rocks is that the tailgating is as much fun if not more than the actual show.  PLUS it presents the perfect photo taking opportunities:

There were lots of surprises that night…

…such as a plentiful amount of ‘stuff‘ being sold in the parking lot (excuse the crappy photo but he got mad at me for even snagging this much)…

…illegal fertilization/avoidance of port-a-potties…

…and many people being confused into believing they were ‘thug’.

Like I said…surprises:

All jokes aside, ‘for a hot minute’ as Brandi Glanville would say (RHOBV joke again):  we had a fantastic time.  There was this palpable energy shooting through the entire facility that allowed everyone to let loose and get crazy.  At one point I was standing at the base of Red Rocks after getting a beer and I had a ‘come to jesus’ moment.  I looked up at the however many thousand white people getting down (pretending to be hard core) to Common and Atmosphere in Patagonia’s and Smart Wools and thought…only in Denver.  I love this city.

Please don’t be overwhelmed by my ‘bad assedness’.  It comes naturally.  I get it from my mom : )

Also, don’t be intimidated by Hanna’s cuteness – she comes by it naturally, from her face.  So cute.

There is no better explanation of what the ENTIRE crowd/night was like than this photo:

Chaos/hardcore thugging with hardcore light beer.  So fun. Until this happened…

…looks fairly innocent at first glance…

…wrong.  Because we thought documenting THIS shortly after the TWO (delicious) and giant (warm) vodka filled hot chocolates was a good idea…

…I told you in a past post AND earlier that I was going to post less fluff and more ‘realness’, well…

…shit just got real.

P.S. Peeing.  We’re just peeing.