Category Archives: Family

Throwback Thursday

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Nostalgia was dangerously thick at my house yesterday.

This is because I spent the better part of two hours going through old photo albums, my Facebook timeline, and shoeboxes filled with mementos and photographs.

I scoured through almost 28 years of memories.

Almost.

I still have one more day before it’s official.

sigh

Tomorrow is my 28th Birthday.  My golden birthday.  28 on the 28th.

I guess I was feeling fairly indifferent about it.  It’s not like it’s a major birthday.  It’s not like I’m turning 30 (!!!!) or anything.

I didn’t even go into the closet looking for anything.  I hadn’t intended to spend all that time spiraling down memory lane, examining how perfect my pores used to look, realizing how much I took my 22 year old body for granted, or cringing at the several photo’s in which I’m holding a cigarette.  I was simply trying to put away the very sweet birthday card that my Grandpa sent me in my ‘favorite cards’ box.  Which is stored next to several other boxes crammed with old letters, memorabilia, and tons of photographs (from way back in the day when we actually used to print photo’s).

I was surprised when, in looking through all of those images, I was able to find photo’s from each birthday since I turned 18, and a few from childhood.  Then my brain suddenly stopped working and I somehow came to the conclusion that I needed to visually chronicle my aging process thus far.   I thought I could probably wait until the big 3-0 and tell the story up to that milestone, but by then who knows if I’ll still have a blog to publicly humiliate myself with.

I didn’t want to take that chance.

So we’ll start at the beginning.

This isn’t exactly a birthday I guess except that IT TOTALLY IS.  It literally is my birth day.  Those are my adorable cousins Marissa and Chandra ready to welcome my chubby bald self back from the hospital.

Fast forward a couple of years to the age at which I refused to wear anything but pink.  Here you can see I was finally beginning to believe my Dad, who told me every night before bed that I was a ‘pretty princess’.

Yep.  Still rocking the tiara.  It’s comforting to know that my inability to commit to a particular style has always been a problem for me.

This was the year that ALL I WANTED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE EVER was a keyboard and I begged and begged for one.  A tiny little wrapped box sat on the living room shelf all day in an effort to taunt me.  My mom repeatedly told me throughout the day when she caught me glaring at it that it was my only present.  Well a keyboard doesn’t fit in a box that small so I decided to pout all day.  When I opened it that night, it was a cord of some sort.  My disappointment and I were then led upstairs to the hall closet where the keyboard belonging to the cord awaited. I squealed.  It was awesome.

Ah.  This one’s fun.  THIS, I believe, was my first birthday that took place while I was being home schooled.  5th grade.  My birthday fell on homecoming weekend for the Ada-Borup Cougars (of which I was no longer) so we decided to have a bonfire at my house and then I would go with ‘all of my friends’ to the football game.  Oh yeah, I had friends there, they were just busy while this picture was being taken…

..you know, over there, away from the weird home schooled girl.

It was horrible and I was shy and sad and got made fun of at the game.  I remember being there and just wanting to go home so badly.  I think I blocked out the next several birthdays because I have no evidence they happened.  I was probably too traumatized from this one.

Skip ahead a few years and eventually I went back to school and was once again an Ada-Borup Cougar.  It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be in the end, but by the time I turned 18 I was once again friends with all of the girls in the photo above.

I was also 90 pounds, 5 of which could be attributed to all the metal in my mouth.

This was a great birthday.  I was a lead in the play Annie and the cast, along with other friends, all came out to a local restaurant for food and games.

I didn’t realize it then, but in looking back, this was probably the one day in my turbulent high school career where I felt I most accepted and that I finally belonged.  It was a good day.  We went to a gas station (out of Ada as not to be seen) and bought a pack of cigarette’s.  What else do you do at 18?!

Here I am, 19 years old and FINALLY coming into my own.  I had been out of Ada and in college for a little over a month and my life had completely changed.  Everything suddenly made sense.

You bet I rocked braces the first half of my freshman year of college.  It was all part of the plan.  I was still a timid small town girl in the beginning and needed the braces to keep scary people away from me until I got adjusted and became my now awesome self. : )

My 20th birthday brought my high school and college friends together for a dinner at my house in Ada.  It was pretty cool.

The other cool thing is that by this point, I had become pretty good at weeding out the real friends from the fake ones and I’m still close to almost every single person in this photo.

THE BIG 21!!!  This is what my celebration with my family looked like.  A very nice and very expensive (sorry dad) dinner at my place of employment at the time, the HoDo restaurant in Fargo, ND.  Livi was just over a month old at this point and was still in the hospital nearby.  We all went to see her and celebrate that night where ‘she’ gave me the necklace I’m wearing in the photo.

This is what 21 with my friends looked like.  Well actually it was much worse than this, but this is the only photo I’ll be allowing my parents to see.  Apparently lingerie as a shirt worked for me at the time.

My last birthday as a college student was my 22nd.  We rented a big party bus and just went nuts.  From what I remember anyway.

If I recall we ended up a strip club.  I told you there would be cringe worthy moments.

For my 23rd I decided to class it up a little.

And all of a sudden, Jon appears, and everything changes again.  I’m living in Denver, having dinner at a very nice and expensive (sorry Jon) restaurant in Vail with the man of my dreams.  He’ll never not be beside me for my birthday ever again.   Weird.  

That was number 24 and we celebrated the weekend in Taos, New Mexico.  I’ll take that face and body back any time now thank you very much.

I have no photo’s from the day of my 25th birthday because I spent it holed up on the couch feeling sorry for myself and how old I was getting.  I should have been slapped.  These photo’s were taken a few days later at a Jason Mraz at Red Rocks concert.  My friend Lindsay and I have birthdays three days apart and we celebrated that year with her coming to Denver to visit.

Yep!  Jon was there too : )

26 was awesome as well.  I was newly engaged and apparently injected with some sort of happiness glow because I think this was the best I’ve ever looked.  I could have stayed in those happy weeks forever.

What was so great about this birthday was that it was celebrated with what have become life long people for me.  Grown up friendships that are so much better than the 5th grade ones.

They just start to kind of whiz by don’t they?

There I was just a short year ago, newly married and turning 27 years old.  Happiest I’ve ever been.  Most confident in my life, choices, and friendships than I’ve ever been.

Fast forward to today.  Here I am yet another year later.

Twenty. Eight. Years.

Gone in a blip.

But that’s never quite true is it?  It wasn’t a blip.  It was a long, long time.

I was reminded of that when I went through those albums and boxes.  A lot of memories, adventures, laughter, tears, and joy in those 28 years.

A lot more to come.

Many of the photo’s I found tugged pretty hard at my heart.  The one’s of Livi as a baby, the one’s of me carefree in college, the one’s of my friend Adam who passed away.

Places, people, memories I’d almost forgotten.  It was surprising.

Tears sprang up a time or two, but for the most part I spent two hours with a reminiscent smile on my face, wishing I could go back and do it all over again.  I was astounded at how much I’ve lived and how little I would change.

We’re heading out tomorrow, back to Minnesota for the weekend, to celebrate golden 28.  Jon hasn’t let me in on much of the plan, but I know it involves a hotel stay and hopefully some family and friend time.  If I realized anything in reliving past birthdays, it’s how sickeningly lucky I’ve been to be surrounded by wonderful people, friends and family, no matter the age.  My birthday wish this year will be one wishing that never changes.

Bring it on 28!

Weekend Recap

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And just like that…it’s fall in Colorado.

And I LOVE IT!!!

Because do you know what comes next?

Winter.

And skiing.  And Thanksgiving.  And more skiing.  And boots and scarves and freshly baked Beaver Creek chocolate chip cookies.

But let’s get back to fall because I’m so happy that it’s here.

Fall brings us several things around here:

…ski pass purchases (ouch).

…my birthday (it’s Friday, double ouch).

…and over the last few years…my in-laws (I know you think i’m going to say triple ouch, but I like them, so HA you’re wrong).

This fall was no different.  Jay and Heidi arrived last Thursday for a weekend of good food, delicious wine and the always breathtaking Colorado views.

Last year we all went to Aspen, but this time we decided to stay a little bit closer to home and headed up to the Echo Lake area instead.

 

It’s wonderful here in the summer, spectacularly fun in the winter, but as far as showcasing Colorado’s natural beauty goes…fall takes the cake.

After our exhausting viewing of the landscape we decided that visiting a Colorado winery was our only option.

The wine was good, the food was good, but the entertainment was great…

…unless you’re Jon in which case you hate all things adorable.

The rest of the weekend was action packed with a concert in Boulder on Friday, some shopping and sightseeing, a baseball game and a relaxing Sunday brunch at Lola.

Who doesn’t start breakfast with an order of donuts?

Who doesn’t follow donuts with lobster filled deviled eggs?

There was also a fly over and several minutes educating Jay on Asian rap artists.

It was a lovely weekend jam packed with things I’d like to do every weekend if I could.  It’s always nice to have visitors here, especially when it’s family.  Jon and I both love sharing what we find so irresistible about Colorado with people.

I wish fall could last forever, but just this morning it was dumping snow in the mountains.  It’s only a matter of time before it makes it’s way to the foothills and eventually Denver.  So cheers to your fall, wherever you are, soak it up because it always goes way too fast.

Two Words…Super Sized

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I mentioned in an earlier post that I took almost 1,000 photo’s during our 10 day trip to Minnesota.  Part of this is because I’m shutter obsessed, the other part is because we did so many things and saw so many people.  In attempt to get as many photo’s on here for those people as possible, I decided to just keep it simple and do it ‘two words’ style.

Settle in because there’s a lot of scrolling ahead of you.    :  )

New Brothers

Youngest Siblings
My FavoriteThe BestSunny SmilesOur CaptainSister Dunk
Handsome BrotherGiant LeapStud Muffin
Cute CoupleQuack QuackDaddy’s LapWhole World
Chow TimeWild HorsesHammock Shenanigans Memorable MomentsBooze CruiseBoyfriend GirlfriendBrotherly BuddiesNight SwimmingDouble TroubleMinnesota SkiesBrother TKLovely LocksTan TylerMad SkillsGrinning GoonsZorbaz ToastMargarita BlissSweet GirlDon’t AskBeautiful BloomsDoin’ WorkSwimming PoochBlocking SunBig ChickenHeat StrokeDoggie PaddleSkinny BeerGlamour ShotOwning ItSoaring PatriotsLounge QueenAuntie MeganFirst ChoiceDream Boat Knocked OutHoliday ParadeColor SchemeBeautiful BoatPatriotic PeacePink PontoonDon DraperCanoodling CoupleBrave Mom : )Refreshing ShowerLazy LoungerBaywatch HopefulSand BarTurkey SlayerNo WordsHoliday HottieMy MateTJ SurfingLog LuggerPelican PlanterFirework SpectatorsHope you all enjoyed the pics!  Lake overload yet?  I have one more segment left from our trip home from when we met up with Jon’s grade school buddies which I’ll have up next week!  I’ll end the post with the rest of my fireworks shots and two more words:

The End

Missin’ my girl.

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All I did was dig through a few boxes for my new blog feature “Throwback Thursdays” which will start tomorrow…found some pictures of Livi and then all this happened.

I remember very clearly the morning I left.

Eyes exhausted, mind racing, throat sore from swallowing down my nerves, fears and sadness.

I scooped Livi up out of her crib and laid her on the floor to change her diaper.  I was trying to avoid looking her in the eyes but they eventually met and with that the crocodile tears that I had pointlessly tried to keep swallowed down silently and heavily rolled down my face.

I forced smiles at her as I picked her back up and held her tight to walk down the stairs to the kitchen for breakfast.

There was a quiet and nervous energy in the house that day.

My car was sitting outside in the driveway with a tankful of gas.  It was packed to the brim with all that I didn’t send in the moving truck, ready and waiting to transport me to a new city, new home, and new life.

We all shuffled around the kitchen, the entryway, the driveway until there I was standing with the drivers door open doing everything I could think of to avoid getting in.

Why did this feel so much different from when I left for college?  Why did it feel so much worse?

Because I went to college 45 minutes away from home and saw my mom and family multiple times a week.

Because when I went to college I didn’t have a little sister.

People have always said about Livi that she is an ‘old soul’.  Born three months early and at two pounds she started her life with a pain that most people don’t have to deal with until they’re much older.

She’s always been wise.

She’s always been knowing.

She’s always been able to look right through people in an incredible way.

It’s always been a little bit surprising and that morning was no different.

I’ll never forget the way she looked at me, barely two years old, knowing that something was happening but not quite sure what.  So observant.  So aware.  She was somber, and quiet, which only made me all the more sad.

Standing in the driveway, I picked her little pajama clad body up and wrapped myself around her.  She just laid her head on my shoulder, let me cry, and waited what felt like a very long time until I was ready to let her go.

I didn’t know what to do, I had to just set her down.  My parents came next with hugs, tears, ‘i love you’ and ‘we’re proud of you’ and before I knew it I was sobbing my way down highway 9 towards my favorite boy and my favorite city.

Very dramatic I realize.  But it stands out as one of the most vivid and memorable days of my entire life.  I thought that my heart was going to shatter in two that morning.

Once on the road and nearing Denver, when I realized I was still living and breathing, I became very excited for my new life.  But facing my family that morning and really truly leaving was astoundingly difficult.  It remained so for the next…oh…six years.

I’ve been missing Miss Livi lately.

Since day one it’s been difficult for me to be away from her, but as time goes on, it really does get easier.  But for some reason it was harder than it has been to leave her this time.  I’m sure it’s due to the wonderful Memorial Day weekend we spent with her and my family in MN.

I used to truly believe that she could forget me.  That she would forget me.

One of my second most vivid memories was after a particularly long time apart at the beginning of my life in Denver.

Jon and I were back at the lake and I had been experiencing INSANE amounts of anxiety that she would have no idea who I was.

Not even that.  I was worried she would know exactly who I was, but that she would be nervous, shy, and uncomfortable around me.

I wouldn’t blame her.

But it would kill me.

I got the phone call that they were on their way.

I remember pacing the cabin.

I got the phone call that they were there which I knew because I had been nervously staring out the window for six hours.

It plays in slow motion every time I re-imagine it happening.

I opened the back door of the cabin and saw the tail end of my moms van sticking out.  I watched her come around the edge of the drivers side, a quick wave, heading toward the back to let Livi out.

I was already nervous and on the verge of tears.

Livi rounded the corner and hesitantly started walking down the hill towards the lake.

I held my breath and powered forward, acting like I didn’t care, managing my expectations with every bit of self control I had.

She’s going to walk right past me.  She’s going to cling to my Mom and not look at me.  She’s going to cry when I try and talk to her.

Instead she broke into a run.  She started running down the hill.

Oh my God it’s happening.  She’s going to run past me.  She hate’s me.  Act like you don’t care, focus on your Mom, she’s just a two year old…who cares.

Instead, she looked straight at me, continued running down the hill with a grin on her face and LITERALLY leapt right into my arms.

It was right out of a damn movie.

I completely choked up, remained as still as possible while I just held her, like the day I left home, and let wave upon wave of gratitude wash all over me.

It was easily one of the best moments of my entire life.  That little girl had NO IDEA how much I unfairly had wrapped up in her that day.

Anyways.  I’ve been missing Livi.

Luckily for me I’ll be scooping her 6 year old self up in less than a month when we go back to Minnesota for the 4th of July.  I’m pretty lucky to be her big sister.  She’s an amazingly sweet and kind little girl and it’s been such a blast to watch her grow up.

As if things weren’t dramatic enough already, I’ve been wanting to post this video for awhile now.  It’s a stunning music video for the band Gotye and their song (my favorite on the album) Bronte.  It reminds me very much of Livi, it reminds me of how bittersweet it felt to leave that morning for Denver, but most of all it reminds me of our ‘Neverland’ back yard where my siblings and I grew up.  Grab your tissues Mom.